There are 2 schools of thought on whether to talk on the phone before meeting for a date.  The cardinal rule in the past was always to talk on the phone first. However, fast forward 18 years, the majority of us have become accustomed to texting.  So…what to do?

The idea of chatting prior to a first date can seem charmingly old-fashioned at best and ridiculously quaint at worst.  If you are one of the many millennials or Gen Z, many shy away from talking on the phone.  That said, we are seeing more and more of a comeback of the practice of talking on the phone prior to the first date.

Let’s look at the benefits of having that first time chat before a date:

You get a better sense of their energy and personality.

Talking to someone allows you to see their true personality.  For example, texts are, after all, the perfect medium to be funny, smart and entertaining.  You can step outside of personality and be bolder or funnier.  However, on the phone, you need to be yourself because there aren’t delays between responding and you respond the way you normally respond.  You will have a better sense of the person you are meeting by hearing their voice and mannerisms.

There is less judgment on looks.

A phone call allows people to build a connection based on personality.  The distraction of looks is taken out of the equation and it is a good thing, because it allows you to connect with the “person”, rather than the looks first.  You might miss out on a strong connection of personalities, if you skip the call stage.

You get to plan the date together.

Have fun deciding together where you would like to meet for the date and if there is an activity involved!  Use this as an opportunity to explore common interests. As well, show that you are open to planning the date together by sharing your fav restaurants or spots to meet in the city.

You save time meeting someone you’re not vibing with.

By talking before you meet, you will be able to sense if there is a connection on a number of levels- common interests, intrigue of both parties, and ability to carry on a conversation.  People are busy and do not want to waste time with someone there is not a connection with.  It allows you to avoid some bad dates.

You get to know a little bit more about them so it’s more comfortable and less intimidating.

Talking prior to meeting, allow both parties to spend some initial time getting to know one and another.  A few laughs and some background conversation will provide for a more comfortable first date experience.

Talking on the phone takes effort and shows you’re serious.

Therefore, it shows that both people are invested in the date and willing to put the effort in to do the work upfront by talking on the phone.  You can use the call to gage interest and drive.  Does the other person really want to meet up and be in a head space to consider a possible relationship?

You build an emotional connection first.

A phone call can create greater intimacy and vulnerability faster.  Hearing a voice brings about more of a visceral connection to a person than texting behind a screen.  It is more challenging to pivot when someone’s on the other line asking a question or making a comment. People have to reveal a bit more about them, rather than what they may in a text message behind a screen.

Now that you have slid into her DM’s are you ready to make the call?

Here are a few tips for that initial call:

1. Keep the call to a maximum of 15-20 minutes as you want to save some conversation for the date.
2. Meet as soon as possible and put together a date plan with a few options.  That first face-to-face meeting is crucial. And no one wants a texting pen-pal!
3. Keep your private life private for now.
4. Reveal your values and character through short, light-hearted stories.
5. Save the heavy stuff for later—much later!